written by nowtbook on
November 21, 2009 at
12:52 AM
Mahilig siya kumain. Naiisip ko talaga, sayang, gustong gusto ko sabayan ang appetite niya. Pero hindi ko na talaga kaya. Napipilitan lang ako talagang ubusin. Namaaaan. Naiinis ako. Ayoko mag paka-petite na kakaunti lang ang appetite. Gusto ko makipag sabayan sa kanya. Para hindi siya nahihiyang sabihin na, nagugutom siya.
Mahilig siya kumain. Grabe yun lamon ng popcorn niya kanina. Grabe rin, nilamon niya yun popcorn ko kanina. E kung binigay ko rin sa kanya yun bibingka at yun yum burger ko, baka napa busog pa siya. Grabe.
Gusto ko tuloy matuto mag luto. Baka sakaling magawa ko nga yun, a way to his heart.
Nakana. May ganun banat.
Pero like ko pa lang naman siya. Wala pang yun malulupet na fireworks. Gustong gusto ko yun ugali niyang adventurous. Nakaka-excite makisama sa taong ready mag travel. Ang saken naman kasi, gusto ko gawin rin yun, kaso yun oras at pera, kapos. Kung meron man, wala akong kasama. Although, mas naeenjoy ko nga naman yun nag-iisa ako pag naglalakbay, pero mas nakakatuwa pag may kasama. Hindi mo man lang feel na dumadaan na ang araw.
Gusto ko magkaroon ako ng saktong time at pera, para maki-join sa mga adventures niya. At least, alam ko na siya, mahilig sa travel. Baka mameet ko pa yun mga friends niya na mahilig rin sa adventures.
Hindi ko talaga pwede ipilit ang sarili ko na mag-fall.
Kanina nagwonder ako kung bakit yun ibang tao, ang bilis na mainlab o kundi man, magustuhan kaagad yun tao. Kung ako yun dati ngayun, masasagot ko yan. Pero ngayun, hindi ko na maintindihan kung bakit ang bilis magfall sa tao. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung kelan mafafall. Anu bang signs na nafafall ka na? As in yun hindi sapilitan ha. As in yun biglaan na lang. Tas pag pinag-accumulate mo, magugulat ka na lang nafafall ka na.
Mag-uumpisa ako.
1. hindi na masyado nag-iisip. sa sobrang inlab, wala ng care sa logical reasoning.
so. hindi pa nga ako inlab.
Eto pa isang tanong. Kelan mo malalaman na pinipiglan mo ang sarili mo na mahulog dahil alam mong pahulog kana, sa pinipilit mo ang sarili na mahulog dahil alam mong wala talaga?
written by imcesz on
November 20, 2009 at
12:02 PM
hindi ko alam kung anong tawag sa nararamdaman ko ngayon dahil sa nalaman ko. hindi ako makahinga, hirap ako sa paghinga kasi naninikip ang dibdib ko. gusto ko umiyak pero walang lumalabas na luha sa mga mata ko. galit ako pero hindi ko alam kung paano ko mailalabas tong galit na to.
hindi ko matanggap sa sarili ko bakit nya pa kelangan gawin yun. bakit kelangan nya pang makipag-sex sa iba? hindi ako nagkulang sa kanya. binigay ko mga pangangailangan nya bakit ganun pa ginawa nya sakin? i really don't know what to do na. kulang pa ba mga nabigay ko sa kanya at naghanap pa sya ng iba?
naghiwalay kami pero nag-usap kami para ayusin muli yung relasyon namin. akala ko okay na lahat, na babalik na kami sa dati. yung masaya pa kami. pero iba ang nangyari, getting worse pa. ang masakit pa dun nakikipag-sex sya sa iba habang kami pa. (kung pano ko nalaman, akin na lang yun)
he keep on denying na hindi totoo yun. ano ako tanga? nagsusumigaw na lahat ng ebidensya at umamin na rin yung girl na may nangyari nga sa kanila tapos idedeny nya pa? oo siguro akala nya napaniwala na nya ako sa mga palusot nya pero deep down inside me, hindi ako naniniwala sa kanya!
masakit pala noh? malaman mo na yung taong mahal na mahal at pinagkakatiwalaan mo, ginagago ka patalikod. ang sarap ng feeling, grabe! wala ako masabi. pakamatay na kaya ako? leche!
written by joycie on
November 20, 2009 at
06:45 AM
Still no meteors flashing my way. Only navy blue clouds on an ebony sky. Oh well.
We had a short day at the hospital, there was a mandatory stay-at-the-library memo for all the interns. And so, we sort of had a free duty. I'm happy because we didn't work as hard today, and sad because I didn't have any patients to learn from.
And because I was tired of reading the medical stuff, I took a break and scanned the newspaper. A sociopolitical events expert, I am not. But somehow, I just want to speak out what I was thinking.
Pacquiao fever. Pacquaio in politics. (Nah. He lost the elections last time, despite his boxing feats. We have become aware that the on-screen champions are a different story when it comes to politics.)
Pacquiao vs. Mayweather
(Lose-lose scenario for Pacquiao. If he says no, Mayweather will have bragging rights. If Pacquiao fights, he'd better win big time, or it'll be the end of his boxing glory)
Manny Villar and Loren Legarda, runningmates... (Which just ruins their credibility. Manny using Loren's good reputation, and Loren using Manny for his well-oiled campaign machinery. Good luck to both.)
Hacienda Luisita. (Has gone on long enough. It breaks my spirit to see the plight of the poor, the greed of the rich, and our sick legal system.)
Pacquiao and Jinky fighting due to Krista Ranillo... (Typical. A full blown disaster.Let them fix it up, and stop the slandering. They are people after all, and no family is ever the cleaner.)
Edu Manzano, running for vice president. (Game ka na ba? Kami, hindi.)
3 killed and 7 injured at Pasay demolition... (Why use guns? WHY?! Of course they would protect the mosque, it is their place of worship. A little respect for their religion! There could have been a better way to do it. No wonder some Muslims would think badly about the government. Why fuel their agitation? Why? WHY?!)
New Moon, now showing. (And dateless. moving on...) Efren Penaflorida, the CNN hero... (He's such an inspiration. With him and his group around, there is hope for this nation. WE CAN DO SOMETHING FOR OTHERS IF WE WANTED TO. I wish that aside from voting for him, we would also be encouraged to help the less fortunate. But first of all, let's vote. He deserves to win.)
Now on to the news of my life. I'm learning that some people have interesting stories to tell about their lives. And I am amazed to find out. But amidst all the sharing, I'm still keeping much a secret, sorting is still to be done with my baggages.
Music :: Sugarfree- Huwag ka nang umiyak Book :: The Lucky One - Nicholas Sparks Mood :: hungry
to embark to my ultimate destination -- that is, to a family I can call my own...
A decision has been made, a decision that will change my life forever -- for the better, and even for the best. I know we both are entrusting our lives to each other's hand under the guidance of the Father. So this is what they call destiny. I remember writing a post about a love map (you may read about that here). Now I can say that I do have a lovemap! And that the once faceless man has been revealed to me.
I am ready.
Yes, I know I am. I am ready to put everything else aside just to make sure I don't lose my last chance to happiness. I just found what I have been looking for all my life and there's no way I'm gonna throw away the blessings that I received from Him. I will not let Him down too. As the playing song goes... I'll be true to the promise I have made... to my Mahal and to the One who gave him to me...
I love him so.
And I vow to show him everyday just how much I truly love him. Words will never be enough to express my overwhelming affection and passion for him. I may only have my love to give but I will make sure this love will go places, will solve mazes, never fazes...
We are ready.
Together, we will build our hopes and dreams and our foundation would be our love and trust so strong, under the guidance of our Creator. Together we'll be there for each other, for the family that we both long for, for the happy and contented life that we both deserve...
May God bless our love.
Music :: I Will Be Here by Steven Curtis Chapman Mood :: loved and inlove
written by joycie on
November 19, 2009 at
05:28 AM
I've been watching for the Leonids for four days now. Just to make a wish or two. For whatever, it's my secret. Really, I'm a little...nope, a LOT superstitious.
We watched 2012 yesterday. Coolness. Not one I'd line up to be my favorites, but it's worth seeing if you need a pick-me-up. That is, if you like getting caught between tectonic plates and raging tsunamis. The scenes are amazing. And I liked the company: Perrine and Dave.
A snippet of my day at the Surgery Emergency Room. We had an American patient who went to the beach yesterday and fried his skin under the sun. That's for not wearing sunblock. He was delineatedly red on half the exposed parts of his body, just like a shrimp when it's done.I pitied him because it was so painful, weeping and blistering all over. Including his balding forehead. You'd know what he was in for, just by the sight of him. And so, we cleaned, flammazine-d, and gauze-d him up.
Ironic that a majority of Filipinos, men or women (hands up people! including me!) would somehow be guilty of buying whitening/lightening products for the sake of vanity. When all this time, our melanin concentration, has been responsible from keeping us from suffering the same fate, under the intense Equatorial sun. How colonial. We should love our melanin, we can bask at beaches, walk along the Metro and only fear of getting even browner...just think about it. And love your chocolate-ness. Haha.
Please, let there be a falling star, so I can get my wish. And... make that meteor hit the asshole who broke my heart. Yeh! (<--in a kikomachine kind of way.)
Music :: The way you make me feel - MJ Book :: The Lucky One - Nicholas Sparks Mood :: cheerful
written by nowtbook on
November 19, 2009 at
01:03 AM
Dear,
Like kita kasi friend kita. Kasi adventurous ka. At kasi gusto pa kita makilala ng husto. Kasi bibihira lang ako magkaroon ng adventurous na friend. As in sporty type. Karamihan na sa mga kabataan ngayun mahilig maglaro sa computer shops. At least ikaw, nakatalon kana sa cliff at nakapag-dive sa karagatan.
Pero inignore mo nanaman ang hello ko. Hindi tuloy ako sure kung gusto ko pa ituloy ang friday kasama ka. Gusto ko, kasi naman manunuod tayu ng 2012. Gusto ko, para makasama ka, at makapag-usap tayu. Wala lang. Baka machempuhan ko rin iintroduce sayu ng bonggang bongga ang business ko. Ten is to one ratio naman e. Sampung invites, isang agila. Ikaw ang isa sa mga siyam na tatanggi. Okay lang. It's close to getting the one.
Kaso, natatakot na akong harapin ka. Wala naman akong thing sayo. Pero parang ganun ang tingin mo, kaya ganyan ang trato mo. Grabe. Binabawian mo ba ako? Kung anong ginawa ko sayo dati? Wala naman ganyanan. Sinusubukan ko naman kasi magbago e.
Okay. Bakit ako natakot magpakita sayo?
Kasi andun ka e. Sa sitwasyon na yan. Mataas ang level ng estado mo sa buhay. Alam kong humble ka, kung ikukumpara sa mga chinito mong kasama sa team. Halata naman e. Pero... ayun nga. Ang hirap. Natatakot ako. Kasi ako nagpapanggap lang naman ako. Kahit siguro yun kinikita ko e pantay lang sa meron kayo, hindi ko kaya yun estado niyo. Gusto ko yun simple lang ako, ordinaryo. Hindi katulad ng mga usual friends mo na natatagpuan mong nagsusuot ng short shorts, and fit clothes, at maputi and ALL THAT. Hindi ako ganun. Natakot ako. Kahit alam kong hindi mo ako ikukumpara sa kanila. Okay fine. Na-insecure siguro ako... Kaya ganun.
Ang hirap harapin yun taong nakilala ka before nitong lahat lahat. Yun mga taong nakilala ka habang nasa puberty stages ka pa, ay yun mga taong talagang mas nakakakilala sayo kesa sa mga taong tinuturing mong bestfriends ngayon sa college. Yun kasi talaga yun mga taong nakita ka sa stage na nag-uumpisa ka pa lang maging kung sino ka ngayun... kaya walang takas sa lahat ng flaunts, fails, firsts, and posers.
Ewan.
Pwede bang i-cancel na lang natin yun date natin sa friday? Pakiramdam ko gusto ko na magmove on mula sayo. Sa pag trato mo pa lang sa akin, alam kong busted na ako.
Waha!
Parang lalake lang a.
//
Grabe gusto ko mainlab. Pero hindi naman kasi ako perpektong gurlalooo. Ampot. Ang hirap magpakatotoo. Minsan talaga, tinatamad na lang ako magtanong para malaman ang iba pang mga detalye ng buhay niya. Kasi parati na lang siya. Sana ako rin tinatanong niya dba. Pero wala e. Ganun talaga.
Eto na lang si isa, baka sakaling pwede akong magpakwento sa kanya bukas. Babatiin ko na lang siya ng malaking ngiti.
written by joycie on
November 18, 2009 at
12:32 AM
Mildly colorblind in the green and yellow spectrum.
And so was the explanation of Dr. Vigo on my test results on colorblindness.
We were goofing around in the Surgery Office when Dr. Matic asked us to scoot to the Eye Center for a study being done by his wife. It was fun arranging the colors into the spectrum, but it was admittedly difficult. The pegs had a certain order of shading, and it seemed that some pegs were of the same color. The pink and violet hues were a breeze, but the yellow and green pegs were sort of hard to arrange (for me). Damn it.
Some people say that only men are affected by colorblindness. That is partly correct, for the congenital type. There is also a acquired type, which includes medication, poor diet and smoking. I guess this is where I come in. I'm just happy that I can identify green from grey, even if I'm slightly impaired in distinguishing tints (which I didn't know before). I was slightly depressed afterwards saying I was ready to devour a plate of yellow and orange vegetables to salvage my remaining photoreceptors.
I remember a good friend, she would say that a dress was wonderfully blue when it was violet. I don't know if she's just confused or can't see the color right. One of our junior interns is also suspect to the condition, since he is having difficulty in identifying hyperemia (something red and swollen) from one that is not.
Impaired. That is something that we can be, without even knowing it.
In extreme colorblindness, one can only see the blue and orange shades. No green, no red. A colorblind man can't identify a woman with lipstick. Or a ripe banana from an unripe one. It may seem funny, or ridiculous. The sad part is some find it later in life, and is unsuitable to aviation, or jobs that requires color discrimination.
But being colorblind is the least of my worries. I was just thinking, what if some people's emotions were the same? That in the spectra of anger, love, joy and sadness, they can only feel two extremes? Able to love without anger or experience joy without love?
Really, I'm a little...nope, a LOT superstitious.